Monday, September 24, 2012

Yes, I e-mail myself.
I have found it extremely handy to email myself notes, ideas, grocery lists, writings.  My phone is almost always available and all those important conglomerations of words go to my gmail account.  They are all archived forever and as safe as any mislaid scrap of paper that would serve as my alternative.
Today, it came to my attention that I was not receiving some of my Notes to Self.  After re-examining the To: address field, I realized that another Kay.Dixon was becoming privy to my inner most thoughts and desires.  A fever-fueled mistyping of my own email address had added a valid, although unintentional recipient to my contacts list.  With my name.
Looking back through my Sent Folder, I realized I had sent her a note reminding her to get the Craftgawker App for the iPhone and to explore the joys of Human Bingo.
My latest contribution to her inbox is the following "editorial" on the benefits of eating more fried food.  Meant to be an entertaining piece for some of my closest friends and allies, it is now in the hands of my faceless doppleganger.  If she has read it, then why shouldn't you.

It is the beginning of the end. The end of the world as we know it.
It isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let's face it, we haven't been treating this place or each other very well. We use the entire world as our garbage bin. Letting poison, refuse, and ageless debris fall where it may.
Also, if u jam too many of us up together, the crazies come out.  Crime, war, and poverty..they are a few things we tend to specialize in.
Although the alarm bells are ringing in our ears...global warming, antibiotic resistant bacteria, polluted land, water, and sky...we ignore the repetitive sound blasts in our ear. Racing onward never looking back or acknowledging what is up ahead.
So, I wonder what I, a single human being, can do to change the red tide that is approaching the shore.  After thorough research across several disciplines, I have decided the best course to take is to eat more fried food.
Here is how I came to my conclusion. After reading several articles on how global warming is affecting disease spread, I became fascinated.
Warmer winters mean insects that act as disease vectors have a higher survival rate for the new year. That means more  West Nile and Lyme disease for u and me.
Malaria in Alaska?  It is coming. Well, actually it is already there, but humans have a few more warmer than natural years before having to pack their own quinine for an Alaskan cruise.
What are some contributing factors to this global warming situation?
U, the reader can probably recite more reasons than I, but the latest culprit identified by a brilliant team of scientists  in California is American's love of chargrilled food. Turns out, all the grilling puts a lot of particulates into the air. Enough so, it is rivaling the contribution of diesel burning 18 wheelers.
Humans in their self-obsessed way have focused on eating grilled foods
in order to keep a healthier heart. I say, stop this madness now!  By returning to a fried food heavy diet, we can get a one-two punch to kick start the saving of our planet.
First off, frying food does not add the particulate matter to our atmosphere that its grilling counterpart does. Secondly, humans are the one who got us into this mess to begin with. More humans living longer on the planet should not be our immediate goal or maybe ever
our goal.
I am realist. I know, even after being presented with these facts, most people will not turn from their healthy eating lifestyle to save our planet.  As I mentioned before...self-obsessed.
But, I am not worried. Mother Nature is not without her charms and her devices. She demands balance and balance She will have.
So, next time u contract the Hanta virus on a camping trip or lose a limb to a flesh eating bacteria, think about those grilled veggies u had for dinner and try to decide...Was it really worth it?

2 comments:

adamtrest said...

this just made me laugh so hard... so something I would do...

Tonya said...

Hilarious! Love it-count me in.